Watch your step

I was hangiing out on the Isle of Patmos when the sky unzipped itself
and He Himself jumped out of heaven and nodded hello.

Jesus Christ, I said. I mean, is this it? Have you come to judge the
living and the dead? Is it true you hate fags? Will unbaptized fetuses
go to hell? Will Buddhists or Hindus or Muslims or Catholics or Jews
or Agnostics or Atheists or Wiccans or Baptists or Scientologists go
to Hell? Is there really a Hell? Are you an eternal sadist? Is the
entire Bible literally true? Was the universe created in 168 hours?

Jesus said, Nevermind all that -- what’s really bothering you?