Man of constant sorries

I’m sorry about the time I called you the C word

and I’m sorry about that time I called you the B word

and I’m sorry for that time I said "F word you" to you in front of your kid

and I am sorry I scared you that time I broke a window with my fist

and I’m sorry for those times I didn’t pull my own weight with housework 

and I’m sorry for being such a slob

I’m sorry I stared at your breasts and your ass and I’m sorry I touched you inappropriately 

I’m sorry for stringing you along, for leading you on, misleading you into thinking I and only I could give you what I and only I knew what you needed

and I’m sorry for not knowing what you needed and and not giving it to you

I’m sorry for my existential cowardice and I’m sorry that existential cowardice is an issue for me

I’m sorry for giving in to despair so readily and attacking myself and turning into the black hole that you stumbled into

I’m sorry for when my self-righteous rage burst out at you while I slashed your self esteem to pieces with my words

I’m sorry I didn’t ask you what contraception you were using or brought my own condoms and I am sorry I was often unprepared and too often impotent and I’m sorry for my immaturity and irresponsibility and confusion about sexual ethics and sexual politics and lost in the galaxy of feelings and needs that arise in the erotic encounters and I’m sorry about all that porn

I’m sorry I did not have the confidence that I had or could acquire the skills to be a husband to you and the father of a child

I’m sorry I will never be able to tell you how important you are to me and how grateful I am that we were together

It is easy to correct my politics and easy to talk women’s equality women’s health women’s right to choose and to read Betty Friedan and easy to express outrage about sexual violence and sexual harassment and chant Her Body Her Choice outside Trump Tower,

and the political personal is the personal political, 

but person to person you and me could be so complicated and painful

we were once so simple and happy 

face to face in a holy space we know is real

and I’m sorry we didn’t stay in that place

and let it slip our minds and forgot

and I’m sorry we became so estranged from ourselves

and I’m sorry I became so strange and 

I’m sorry I’m so, so, strange